Miss Shirley D. Licious

If you recall from my previous post about the Gay Bingo, I was so taken by the shenanigans of the Cyber-Sluts that I simply had to become one. Auditions were in May (can you imagine auditions to become something so foul?) First, let's clear the air. No, I'm not a typical cross dresser. No, I'm not going for "the" surgery. And no, I do not dress like a woman just because "that's what gay men do." Despite what you see (yes, those are rainbow colored fake eyelashes), this is an example of breaking the stereotype. I have never had interest in putting on women's clothes. There was once where I played with mom's makeup. When I came out, mom later told me she had started to wonder about my sexual orientation when she saw that light blue eye shadow so beautifully applied. Unfortunately, really liking boys was the last thing on my mind at the time. I put it on then because my life sucked (and not in the good way). Kids at school were constantly teasing me for being fat and boring. To help fit in, I decided to create a back story where I was a trapeze artist in the circus. I wanted desperately to spin through the air with glittery sequins like those hot guys on Circus of the Stars. Isn't that what all nine year old boys want to do in their spare time? It didn't mean I was gay, did it? I planned to wear the makeup to school the next day as a way of impressing the other kids with my "interesting" life of the circus, but my dumb brother ratted me out.

Back to point, this past Friday, I made my debut as Miss Shirley D. Licious at the Utah Cyber-Slut Bingo. The theme was "Trailer Trash," which Shirley did NOT have a problem fitting right into. I see her as someone who believes in her heart that she is the top of fashion and elegance, but comes across as just plain wrong. For example, my elegant evening gown was a house dress from the Wal Mart store. I had nylons for that touch of class, but what really set Shirley D. over the top was the jewel studded flip-flops (also from the Wal Mart store). I figure one can't do "trailer trash" without flip flops and the jewels were simply radiant. They reminded Shirley that she is a princess. A rather randy lesbian visiting from Texas complimented my flip-flops, but chastised me for needing to be reminded about being a princess. I told her, "Honey, my boobs are so big and my shoes so far away that I need all the reminding I can get." Incidentally, the flip-flops were about 4 sizes too small and were incredibly uncomfortable. But, does one sacrifice for fashion? I (and Shirley D.) say yes.

This bingo card was from last month when I brought my mom. Free space is never free - it must be called just like all the other numbers. When playing bingo, I have a knack for picking lousy cards. You may think this was a clear card before a game began, but it wasn't. We were well into a game looking for a horizontal bingo. We were playing a horizontal bingo last Friday as well and a lady didn't understand. She called BINGO with a vertical bingo, not horizontal. This constituted a party foul. As such, she had to put on the "wig of shame' and dance around, working the crowd for money. The Cyber-Sluts help the shamed collect money. The naughty lesbian (mentioned above) gave me her money, but then promptly took it back. She then proceeded to "stuff" my already stuffed bra (eww, I hate that word). In the process of trying to stuff the dollar in, she ripped my house dress open. Unfortunately, I didn't realize I was mostly bare until I had finished dancing around the room. Oh well. I guess they all got a show. Of course, seeing a fat man giggle without the benefit of a house dress in between may explain why I wasn't able to collect any more money that round.

When I auditioned, I mentioned that I wanted to be a slut so I didn't have to worry about committing a party foul. The others said just showing up in character would be foul enough (mocking themselves as much as myself). The flat fact is that I make one ugly woman. But so are the other sluts. That really is the point. This isn't regular cross dressing where we try to become beautiful ladies. We know we are ugly and foul. We do that on purpose, going so over the top that we are really cartoon-like characters. I don't consider the dress as a dress, but as a costume. Now, people in costume freak me out (remember the chocolate bar incident?), but if I am one of them, I can concentrate on being Miss Shirley D. Licious raising money for charity. As Shirley D., I helped raise over $500, which will be divided between the Utah Pride Center and the No More Homeless Pets foundation. My family is still not so sure about this decision (especially my dad who won't even look at the pictures), but we have a lot of fun raising money for charity. What could be better? For those who know me, this is huge for me as social situations usually intimidate me to the point of not even going. Now, not only do I go, but I am one of the "attractions." This picture was taken during intermission. The girl in the middle was having a birthday and wanted a picture with the sluts more than anything. When the crowd saw we were taking pictures, we had an instant line of really hot guys wanting pictures of me and my slutty friends. Can you imagine? We were more than happy to oblige.

Gay Bingo, as my mom found out, is attended by a lot of straight people. It starts at 7:00 PM on the second Friday of each month at the Columbus Community Center in Salt Lake. Again, we raise money for charity while having a wonderful time. You should come next month. August's theme is a Beach Party. Dress up and you might win a prize. If you need a ride, let me know.

2008 Salt Lake Pride

Here are a few pictures of the recent Gay Pride festival in Salt Lake City. This year, the weather was absolutely perfect, as opposed to the past few years when it has been blazing hot.

As Pride approached, I decided to branch out and get involved with various groups within the gay community. Josh is frequently encouraging me to stretch beyond my "comfort zone" and to get out and meet people. Although not always as easy as it sounds, I made an effort this year and found myself being welcomed by many groups. This was the first year I have attended the Pride festival on both Saturday and Sunday. While it was a bit exhausting, it was very engaging and I loved every minute of it.

On Saturday, I volunteered to help register voters for the November election with Equality Utah booth. Afterwards, I moved over to man the Utah Bears' booth. The Bears are a social group that appreciates gay men who do not fit the "GQ" stereotype. I certainly do not, so volunteering at their booth seemed a natural thing to do. Here is a picture of me in the booth having a great time with my new friends. I have also included a picture of Ron, Mr. Utah Bear, from Sunday's Pride parade. At Cyber-Slut Bingo in April, Ron grabbed me and asked if I had a good time. He invited me to Bear Coffee. I appreciate his enthusiasm. Incidentally, Ron and his partner, Todd (not pictured), are going to be married in September. They both have been incredibly welcoming to me and I wish them the absolute best. Thank you, California, for doing the right thing.

Most of the bears will be going to Idaho over the 4th of July weekend for "Bear Ruckus," a fun-filled camp out where they bond and romp about. I'm unable to attend this year, but maybe next year. Besides having other commitments over the 4th weekend, I would prefer to go camping with a boyfriend. Going camping alone, even in a group is not as fun as going with someone. I'm currently accepting applications if any of you boys are interested in being more than just friends. Apply within. =)

On Sunday morning, I marched in the Pride parade with Equality Utah. This is a group who is simply trying to make a fair and equal Utah, for everyone. Currently in Utah, homosexuals can be fired or denied housing simply for being gay. No questions asked. Gays are denied the right to marry the men and women we love and can not adopt children, even though the governor sent a plea out asking for more families willing to be foster parents. Many in the Legislature feel having a child in a homeless or other harrowing circumstances would be better than placing them in the home of two loving, well adjusted men or women. Do they think we would recruit them to be gay? Our own fabulous fashion conscious little army? Or worse, to molest them? Absurd. Anyone who would harm a child should be shot. Zero tolerance for child molesters. Zero.

Living with straight parents didn't make me straight. I was born gay and would make a damn fine father. Marching with Equality Utah was an easy choice to make. Why should I be treated as less of a person simply due to the gender of the people I am attracted to and love? Why should I not be equal with straight people? When did they choose to be straight? When did I choose to be gay? We didn't. We were born that way and anyone who thinks otherwise is plain ignorant. They may not realize they even know gay people. Well, honey, gay people are probably closer than you may think. We are not all limp-wristed fairies. We are caring, genuine and passionate people, just like you. Why shouldn't we all be equal? This is why I support Equality Utah and the Human Rights Campaign (HRC). I had planned to help with HRC's booth on Sunday, but when I went to volunteer, they had more than enough volunteers, which was a wonderful thing. I did help with HRC's dinner the following week, but that will be discussed in a subsequent post.

I'm not going to discuss most of the pictures here. Really, what more could I add to the dildo ring toss or the hot QUAC guys in their speedos dancing down the street? There is a series of three pictures at the end I call, "Where's Waldo?" I took them by turning a bit then turning some more as people made their way into the festival following the parade. They give an idea of just how many people were there. Salt Lake Pride has grown significantly in the past 10 years I've been attending. I chose not to take a picture of the anti-gay protesters as this blog is not about promoting hate. Life isn't easy and we shouldn't go through it alone. We should celebrate love, regardless of who it is with (as long as they are adults, of course.) Most, but not all who come to Pride are gay. Last year, for example, I rode in the IHG float (well, truck pulling the float) with my straight friend, Marilee. We both had a wonderful time. I learned from volunteering at the Equality Utah booth that many are from out of town and some came from surrounding states. Incidentally, if you find Waldo, come on over to collect your prize. (He He He.) Enjoy. Thanks for sharing this year's Pride with me.

Cyber-Sluts, Gay Bingo and Mom

The Utah Cyber-Sluts are a group of gay men who put on dresses and outrageous wigs to raise money for charity. The "sluts" host a gay bingo every second Friday of the month. Half of the proceeds go to the Utah Pride Center, whose many programs and activities benefit the local LGBT community. The other half of the raised funds go to a charity in the community at large, such as the Lupus Foundation of Utah, the pediatric AIDS unit of Shriner's hospital and most recently, "Hope House" where families who need to relocate to the Salt Lake valley for medical reasons can live. The gentleman currently operating the house originally benefited from the house when he relocated for a heart transplant. Currently, seven families share Hope House.
Putting on a dress has never been in my interest. I'm really not into cross-dressing, but had to reconsider when I saw how the wild antics of the "sluts" were able to raise tons of money to help the community. In April, they raised over $1,100 at bingo and most recently, over $1,400. Hamming it up in a dress for charity has such a draw, that I enthusiastically auditioned and was accepted as a Utah Cyber-Slut. Pictures of me as Miss Shirley D. Licious will follow in a future blog entry.

To say my family, especially my mom, has been hesitant about my dressing up as a woman, even for charity, would be a massive understatement. Mom was so relieved when I couldn't get the costume together for the recent Utah Pride celebration. Mom is worried all her neighbors will see me on the news and know she is a bad mother. Well folks, this is the internet. For all mom's neighbors and extended family who may read this, please know my mom is a wonderful mom. Instead of cowering in shame at the prospect of them finding out about her gay son, I suggested she come to the bingo to see what it is I'm getting involved with. Who knows, maybe some day she will be proud of her gay son and all the charitable work he has done both inside and outside a dress.

When mom agreed to go with my to gay bingo, I was actually quite surprised. I've been out to my family 9 1/2 years and that was the first event my mom ever agreed to attend. Mom plays bingo when she can (company parties, and such). Although she rarely wins, mom loves the nervous energy and drama the game provides and I figured that if she would agree to any gay event, it would be the bingo, especially since it is not about being gay, but rather about having fun and raising money for charity. Mom was quite reluctant at first, but ended up having a wonderful time. She even posed with one of the Cyber-Sluts. Mom came SO close to winning a few times, but in the end, the prizes went to others.

More importantly than having a good time losing at bingo was when my mom leaned over and said she could absolutely see me dressed up as a Cyber-Slut hamming it up for the charity. For 30+ years, I have heard nothing but negative when she has seen a man in woman's clothes. Gay bingo broke down a huge barrier for her towards understanding me and gays in general. As I drove her home, she was so positive about the evening and how excited she was that I was finally fitting in. Mom saw that gays are not freaks, but rather good-hearted people who want to have a great time; the same as everyone else. It will not be a struggle to get her back. Marching with PFLAG in the Pride parade may be a few years off, but she said she would be very proud to see me in a dress raising money for charity. That nearly made me cry. It would have except I'm emotionally dead inside. That, however, is a story for another time.